Permission to Shine

Hello Lovelies,

It’s been so long since I have written something here that I’m not even sure this post will turn out right as the WordPress platform looks so different to what I have become accustomed to!

It seems like every time I have written a blog post in recent years, I always start with an apology for leaving it for so long between posts. I have made excuses in the past stating that I was expressing my creativity in other forms and didn’t have the time (or find the need to) blog, and while this was (and still is) true, at this very moment I have come to the realisation that perhaps I wasn’t being completely honest with myself.

Did the darkness of self-doubt begin to slowly creep in?

Perhaps self-doubt is the wrong term, I don’t think I really doubted my ability to express myself creatively through the written word. I think it was something else, something different that I can’t quite put my finger on.

I hope this doesn’t sound too pretentious, as it is certainly not my intention, but the only way I can think to explain it is this: I think I was afraid to shine.

“Afraid to Shine”

Image courtesy of Flickr CC user Claudia Dea

I’m not saying that I am the most brilliant, talented and fabulous writer in the world, no, this isn’t what I think.

It’s hard to explain, but here is my attempt; I think I was perhaps afraid of the consequences if I were to “let my light shine”. What would people think, how would I feel if they liked it, if they didn’t like it? And then I remembered why I began this blog and why I made the decision to begin writing again all those years ago.

Why do we write?

I made that decision because there were words, stories and wonderings that were just itching to be released into the world and I had to let them out. I was writing for myself, first and foremost and if I developed an audience for my writing, great! If not, did that even matter? The answer is no, it didn’t.

The thing is though, perhaps by putting my writing out there and giving myself permission to shine, I could also be giving others permission to shine.

In contemplating this thought, I considered the notion of multi-faceted light. Take a diamond for example, in the absence of light, it appears to be a somewhat unremarkable lump of rock or glass, yet with just the right amount of light it becomes a thing of beauty and awe that has the ability to shine light in the space around it.

So I suppose what I am trying to say is this: Don’t be afraid to let yourself shine, because you may be giving someone else just enough light to let their brilliance and fire shine as well.

Surround yourself with light!

Enjoy,

KK

© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2021). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovàcs and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Belonging

Hello Lovelies,

Yesterday I came across a quote from Brené Brown when on a PD course that really struck me:

“The opposite of belonging is fitting in”

                                                                                                     -Brené Brown

I thought over those words for a fair amount of time yesterday and marvelled at how simple, yet how astonishingly true they were.

There are times when we don’t want to be seen as different, we want to fit in like everyone else, so we make changes, we alter who we are in order to fit in, in order to assimilate and not stand out. Yet you see, whilst we may ‘fit in’ by doing this, we are not being true to ourselves, this is not belonging.

To belong, I meant to truly belong, is to be ourselves, our true self and to be and feel accepted as such.

No mask,  no façade, no wall to protect us.

To be accepted for who we are, our true self, exactly as we are meant to be, this is belonging.

When we strive to fit in – we lose ourselves

When we strive to belong – we find ourselves

Image and words copyright of Katherine A. Kovács The Writer Within 2019.

To belong can be one of the greatest gifts of all.

When we belong, we have the rare gift of being able to be our true authentic self. Belonging contributes to our overall well-being.

So may we all strive to belong, instead of striving to fit in.

Enjoy,

KK

 

© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2019). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Raise Your Glass

Image courtesy of Flickr CC user Sheri

Hello Lovelies,

It’s true, I was never the cool kid at school.

I wasn’t part of the “in” crowd.

I didn’t have all the name brand clothes that the “cool” girls had.

I didn’t wear makeup in an attempt to impress the b… actually I went to an all-girls high school, so I’m not sure who they were trying to impress.

Anyway, to make things ever better, I was in the school band. I play the flute… It was right around the time when the first American Pie movie came out… *cue Michelle Flaherty jokes.*

I liked to sing in the choir, I enjoyed the reading and writing assignments in English class, I suffered from a complete lack of coordination in PE (but somehow still managed to pass), yet still managed to be a bit of a class clown while maintaining pretty decent grades.

What I’m trying to say is, I never really fit in. I wasn’t nerdy enough to be with the super nerds, I wasn’t sporty enough to hang out with the Sporty Spice doppelgangers, not Emo enough for the Emos, not slutty enough (or at all actually) to hang out with the skanks… well you get the point.

Luckily I wasn’t the only one and through our lack of being able to easily “slot” into one of the categories of high school groupings, we formed our own friendship group. Our differences helped us to bond, we learnt through each others interests and pursuits and it was through our differences that we found common ground, heck we weren’t even all in the same grade, but somehow we managed to navigate the trials and tribulations that was high school, supporting each other through it all, appreciating each other for their individuality.

To the more popular girls in the school, we were all wrong, but to each other we were wrong in all the right ways.

“So raise your glass if you are wrong,

In all the right ways”

“Raise Your Glass”- P!nk

Sometimes it got to us. The popular girls sending endless filthy looks our way, the rolling of eyes, the talking behind our backs, but most of the time… we just didn’t give a f**k.

Yes, we likely dealt with the usual self-esteem issues, image-issues, self-loathing type of crap that comes with the teenager territory, but most of the time we were happy as ourselves and with each other. We were genuinely happy for each other when something awesome happened, whether it was a first kiss, a terrific grade on an assignment or getting a part-time job. We built each other up, encouraging each other to pursue their dreams, to reach for the stars, no matter what others (including the “cool” girls) thought.

And that’s the way it should be, embracing the different, encouraging others.

Somewhere along the line I lost that.

I began to think I had to change myself to fit inside the box.

Actually not just think, I did begin to change, I did begin to lose myself, to lose my identity, the things that gave me my individuality.

I was almost too late. It took me a while to realise what was happening. I was becoming one of those people who do things simply because it’s what’s expected of them.

I was becoming one of the people in the “Little Boxes”

“And the people in the houses all go to the university
And they all get put in boxes, little boxes all the same
And there’s doctors and there’s lawyers
And business executives
And they’re all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same”

“Little Boxes” – written by Malvina Reynolds sung by Pete Seeger

It was seriously getting me down,

Professionally,

Creatively,

Personally.

I feel like I should be saying something like,

“Nobody puts Baby in the corner”

but that’s not quite what I’m going for here, instead I’m going to say don’t let anyone change you in order to fit into the “box”, even yourself.

So again, in the words of P!nk,

“So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways,
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be, anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks”

So go out and be the best “you” that you can be.

Be the individual, even if it means that you’re not part of the “cool” group, at least you know you’ve been true to yourself.

Plus, being different is way more fun than fitting into the box!

So to all my fellow misfits, the ones that are wrong in all the right ways, I raise my glass!

Enjoy,

KK

 

© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2018). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Back to Basics

Hello Lovelies,

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt, like really felt the urge to write. “Urge” might be a bit of a funny word to use, but it’s all I’ve got at the moment so be prepared to see the word several times in this post (I apologise in advance).

I’ve been stopping and smelling the roses quite a lot and have been reflecting on things, but I haven’t really felt that urge to write. It was kind of getting me down a bit, despite being in gorgeous surroundings. It’s all part of a period of adjustment perhaps. After making such a big move and a more permanent one than when we decided to pack up and move to Budapest for a year, I suppose it’s only natural to feel a little lost for a while.

In the last couple of weeks though, I feel as though I am slowly finding myself again and hopefully with it, my urge to write again. I hate writing when it feels forced or doesn’t come naturally, sometimes I have to push through it, because it’s something that needs to be written in a particular time frame for one reason or another, but I never feel satisfied after a forced writing session.

Usually when my writing comes naturally, I feel satisfied afterwards, I feel like I truly accomplished something, even if I end up deleting it later because it was rubbish or didn’t make sense. That feeling after writing encompasses many emotions, you feel accomplished, re-centred, happy, content, so many things.

Often as writers, we lose our way, we feel as though somehow we have lost that urge to write and to create. The truth is though, as I am beginning to realise, is not that it is ever lost, it is always there, inside of us. However, sometimes it can become silenced by the pressures around us, the craziness of the world we live in, it can be stifled and pushed into the background, smothered by what life throws at us. But somewhere, sometimes way in there, way up the back, there is always that little voice, telling us to create, to write and to escape to a world of pure imagination of our own creation.

It’s taken me a while to realise this though, that my urge to write isn’t actually gone altogether, but has just been silenced and pushed back by a variety of factors. Now on the quest to turn up the volume on this, I’ve completely gone back to basics. My first step was reading a lot, my own work, the writing of others, multiple novels (some trashy and some surprisingly good).

“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.”

― Stephen King 

Now here comes the next step – actually writing again, but remember we’re going back to basics. So instead of jumping straight back into the last manuscript I was working on and trying to force it, I’m writing simpler things, a few sentences, ideas, poetry or even this blog post for instance. In a way I suppose you could say I am exercising my writing muscles!

When I first came up with the idea for this post and a title, I had imagined a very different post to the one that has taken shape here. I imagined it being about going back to basics of living due to being outside of a metropolitan area. However as you can see, it’s not really what this post is about. I let the writing and ideas flow on their own, I simply followed and saw where I ended up. This short journey reminded me of one of my favourite quotes:

“Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”

― E.L. Doctorow

 

So slowly, by exercising my writing muscles and going back to basics, that urge to write is starting to be heard again, louder and louder with each passing moment. Then things like this pop up in my Facebook memories:

Image and contained text copyright of The Writer Within – Katherine A. Kovács 2018

This is what reminds me of my passion for writing, the emotions conveyed through words and the ability to create characters and worlds through words. Things like this reignite my need to write and create.

I don’t think I’m quite ready to dive back into my manuscript, but soon I will be, I’m sure of it!

So until then, I will continue to read everything, write as much as possible and then someday soon I’ll be ready to continue József and Anna’s story in “An Anguished Heart”.

Enjoy,

KK

© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2018). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Wicked Witch of the West

Hello Lovelies,

Well summer has well and truly hit where I currently live!  The weather these last few days has been ridiculously hot. Not just your ordinary summer hot, but the blazing heat and flames of Mordor. A couple of Sundays ago for example, was the hottest day on record for this area, beating the previous record set in 1939.

I think the official temperature was around 47.3 degrees Celsius, however temperatures directing is the blazing sun were measured at 52 degrees Celsius! 52… that’s just bloody ridiculous!

So, we were all sitting there with struggling air-con (if we’re lucky enough to have it in the first place) experiencing the kind of heat that would turn a day at the beach into flaming mountains of lava as those silly enough to even try cooling down at the beach, burnt their feet trying to get from their carefully placed towels to the water. The kind of blazing heat that has you sweating as soon as you step out of the shower and has you wondering whether it’s the heat or if you’re a relative of the Wicked Witch of the West and you’re actually beginning to melt from the water in the shower.

A little like this:

Image courtesy of Flickr CC user Mark Dixon

I have mentioned before that I am definitely not a summer person, I detest the kind of heat that no matter what you do, you can’t cool down. Even air-conditioning struggles in that sort of ridiculous heat. The last couple of days have been a definitely improvement with temperatures in the high twenties or low thirties, but that will be changing again later in the week when temperatures in the forties are again predicted.

I’m trying to enjoy the milder weather while it lasts, but I’m already dreading the returning sweltering heat, with these milder days just a short reprieve. With the drop in temperature and some stronger southerly winds coming through, the alpine regions of Australia have also been enjoying some summer snowfall!

Yes, I am definitely not a summer girl, not only does the sun not go well with my pasty white, freckled complexion, but I hate to sweat! And I seriously couldn’t get a tan even if I wanted to, even as a kid I never tanned with my controlled sun exposure, nope, my freckles just connected and by the end of summer I even had freckles on my eyelids!

Yes, I hate summer and if I had to choose between the heat and the cold, I would choose the cold hands-down any day! With the right amount of clothing, socks and blankets you can somewhat escape the cold, especially indoors, but in the heat, there’s only so many clothes you can take off before you’re arrested for indecency.

So this white, freckled lass says, “Bugger off summer! Bring on winter!”

Enjoy,

KK

© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2018). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

Don’t Wait for Claps

Image courtesy of Flickr CC user Igor R.

Hello Lovelies,

I’m still struggling to find my way lately. Struggling to find the motivation and procrastinating as much as humanly possible.

There’s a saying that my husband has, that has been playing over in my mind lately,

“Don’t wait for claps.”

– The Husband

Sometimes we need external motivators to get things done or we wait to do things because it is “too hard” and we think we need help. The truth is though, we are sitting there waiting for claps, for our own personal cheer squad to build us up and bring us home, to go the hard yards for us or at least hold our hand along the way.

Not everyone has their own personal cheer squad though, not everyone has someone there to hold their hand and handle the tough stuff for them. If you do, then that’s awesome, good for you, but it’s not necessary for success.

Be your own bloody cheer squad, don’t wait for claps!

When you go out on your morning run (or do your two minutes on the treadmill) and are spurred on by the clapping sound resonating around you, don’t be disheartened when you realise it’s your own thighs clapping together. No, don’t get down on yourself, own it! That’s your own body is cheering you on!

When you’re trying to work through a spot of writer’s block and you hear a slow clap begin and start to build momentum, making you think you’re finally getting somewhere. Don’t feel let down when you realise it’s just your pen tapping rhythmically on the desk. No, let it spur you into action, because that’s you, cheering yourself on to keep going, to keep pushing through.

You don’t need your own personal cheer squad, you don’t need someone there to hold your hand and take care of the “hard stuff”.

Sure it would be nice, but you don’t NEED it.

Don’t wait for claps, because YOU’VE got this!

Enjoy,

KK

© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2017). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fight For It!

Image courtesy of Flickr CC user Mark Hilary

Hello Lovelies,

I know it’s been over a month since I last posted and things have been rather irregular lately, but there’s a reason for it.

Lots of things are changing, in a good way (which I hinted at in a previous post “Seasons of Change”). However, it’s the good changes that you have to fight for the most. You see, the things that you really want in life definitely won’t be handed to you on a silver platter.

You have to fight for it!

Sure, the news might report on an “overnight success” story or two, but these are either complete and utter blind luck or, the more likely scenario is, you never saw the years of hard work those people spent working towards their so-called “overnight success”.

There will be setbacks.

There will be times when you need to stand back and change your strategy.

There will be times when people (including yourself) tell you to just give up, that the dream is too big, that the goal is so far out of reach that it’s beyond the clouds in the sky.

That’s when we need to stand back and them them all to go and get stuffed!

Continue fighting for it with everything you have.

Sure there will be times when you even doubt yourself, so in that case, take a step back and remind yourself that “you’ve got this” and keep on fighting.

As long as you keep on working towards your goal or dream, you can never really fail. The point is that you fight for it, don’t sit back and say “It’s too hard” or wait for someone to hand it to you on that magical silver platter, there is no silver platter.

You need to do it for yourself, you need to fight for it.

So whatever it is, get out there and fight for it!

Enjoy,

KK

 

 

© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2017). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

Seasons of Change

 

Flickr courtesy of Flickr CC Jeff Kubina

Hello Lovelies,

Here I sit, with my laptop repaired and restored, except for a few minor issues (DirectX or something). New super-fast and super-quiet SSD, rather than the old faulty HDD that caused all the issues to begin with.

I finally feel the hunger to write again, to express my thoughts and imaginings through words. To create, to explore and to escape the world for just a moment, all through words.

Things are changing for the better and I’m not just referring to the laptop issues.

Change is definitely in the air, both literally and figuratively.

While the nights are still cold, the days are warm, sunny and full of promise. When winter came along it brought with it the feelings of uncertainty and self-doubt, but the season for change is upon us again.

Some changes happen naturally, others are triggered by a series of events and happenings.

Change is not always good perhaps, but change is necessary and this is seen in nature.

No matter which season you enjoy (or detest) the most, each season plays a necessary role in renewal of the earth.

This is the same for us. While some changes get us feeling down, they often lead to others that leave us feeling renewed and full of life again.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
― Lao Tzu

Now here I sit, the changes of spring making an early appearance with flowers cautiously poking out of the ground, testing the air and revelling in the sunshine.

These are good changes.

Being able to comfortably write again at my laptop, renewing my hunger to express myself through words.

These are good changes.

Making decisions for our family, about our future.

These are good changes.

In life, in nature in everyday living, we go through seasons of change.

Embrace it.

Live it.

Accept it.

Change is necessary.

 

Enjoy,

KK

 

© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2017). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

I Still Wish Upon a Star

Image courtesy of Flickr CC user simech

Hello Lovelies,

One of my many cherished memories as a child was watching the Disney version of the story “Pinnochio”, actually any Disney movie, really. “Pinnochio” was like many Disney movies, that were not only enjoyable but also taught us many life lessons. No one can forget the iconic scene where Pinnochio’s nose grew every time he told a lie to the blue fairy, so much so that his nose sprouted leaves!

But the part that stuck with me most from that movie, isn’t that Pinnochio became a real boy or anything like that, but the part when Jiminy Cricket tells Pinnochio about wishing upon a star.

“When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you”

Lyrics from “When You Wish Upon a Star” copyright Bourne Co. music Publishers

As a young child I remember looking up at the night sky and wishing upon the first star I saw. Sometimes they were outrageous wishes that a child makes, like wishing for a pony or an endless supply of chocolate, but as I got older the wishes began to change and sometimes it was a wish for help and guidance or perhaps to do well in exams or something of the sort.

As a child, there was something magical about wishing upon a star, the belief that if our heart truly desired what we were wishing for, that it would come true. When I didn’t get the pony or the endless supply of chocolate, I was not disheartened, I didn’t feel let down, nor did it lessen my belief in the power of wishing upon a star, not at all. I told myself that the reason why my often outrageous wishes didn’t come true was due to the fact that it was not truly my heart’s desire, my mind wanted those things, but my heart did not.

This became a turning point in the types of things that I wished for. I moved away from the material things and started to think what it was that my heart truly desired and you know what, more often than not, those wishes actually came true. Perhaps it’s just a coincidence and the magic of wishing upon a star isn’t real. Perhaps it’s just a way of focusing on what our heart truly desires and taking the steps towards those things.

Maybe the magic is real, maybe it’s not.

I however, choose to believe in the magic, even if it’s just a way of holding onto a part of my childhood.

I believe in magic.

I believe that when we wish upon a star, anything that our hearts desire will come to us.

Even now, I still wish upon a star, my wishes now mostly consist of wishing for the health and happiness of my family. Still, every time I look up at the night sky, the first star I see calls forth these words,

Starlight, star bright,

First star I see tonight,

I wish I may,

I wish I might,

Have the wish I wish tonight…

Enjoy,

KK

© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2017). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Thoughts for Mother’s Day

Hello Lovelies,

An actual proper post will be coming next week, but until then, here’s a few thoughts in the form of a semi-humourous poem, on being a mum in honour of Mother’s Day, which is tomorrow.

Being a mum is not always fun
It can be pretty hard you know
But with the tough there are also smiles
And the love for you they show

“I want to play this, I want to play that”
But they never pack it away
You spend your time slipping on cars
And treading on Lego every night and day

When it’s time for bedtime
That’s time for the appetite to come out to play
They’re suddenly starving and thirsty all at once
Despite eating and drinking all day!

But then there’s the time when you’re feeling down
The times when you feel sad
This is the time when they tell you you’re beautiful
Despite the crappy day you’ve had

No one said being a mother would be easy
In fact it’s pretty tough work
But the love they show you every day
Makes you feel less like being a jerk

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums, mums-to-be, grandmothers and mother-figures out there!

Enjoy,

KK

© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2017). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content