Recently I’ve been battling with the dark cloud that is self-doubt and what a dark cloud that is.
You see, a couple of months ago I spotted a writing competition for emerging novelists. To enter you needed to have at least started a manuscript with the intention of completing it, provide the first three chapters, plus an outline of the remaining chapters and a brief statement as to how the prize (of $10,000 and a year mentorship from a top publishing house) would help launch your writing career.
How awesome, I thought. Even if I didn’t win, it would be an amazing experience, I thought to myself. Entries didn’t close until July, so I had plenty of time to prepare my entry.
But then the clouds began to gather and rather than face my fears and tackle the increasing self-doubt, I did what I do best… I procrastinated and then procrastinated some more.
And now here I sit, wondering whether or not I’ve blown my chance at one of the biggest opportunities a writer can come across.
One of my children’s favourite movies of late is “Sing”. I also quite like the movie myself and don’t exactly object to listening to the soundtrack in the car, especially one song in particular sung by the angsty teen punk rock porcupine voiced by Scarlett Johansson. The song titled, “Set It All Free” tells the story of Johansson’s character not letting her ex keep her down or tell her she doesn’t have what it takes to be a star.
Stickin’ to the plan that says I can
Do anything at all
I can do anything at all
Whilst I’m definitely not some angsty teen and I don’t have some ass of an ex holding me back, the moral of the song I think is that we shouldn’t let anyone tell us that we can’t do it, that we can’t achieve our dreams, and that “anyone” also includes ourselves.
In striving to meet our goals and dreams, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy, holding ourselves back. Perhaps out of fear, fear of rejection? Fear of accomplishing our dreams and moving on to the inevitable “now what”? Fear of the unknown? Often it happens unconsciously, we don’t realise that it’s not the world and those in it that is holding us back, but ourselves. Whether it be through procrastination or perhaps finding excuses not to take that next step, we are the ones telling ourselves that we can’t do it, that we are not worthy and holding ourselves back.
What we need to do though, is set it all free. Let go of our fears and stop holding ourselves back.
Cos I’m here and I’m never letting go
I can finally see, it’s not just a dream
When you set it all free, all free, all free
You set it all free
I can do it, I am worth it, my dreams are not just dreams but goals. I need to let go of my self-doubt, set it all free and realise that it doesn’t matter whether I succeed on my first go, the point is to keep trying, to keep at it, because if I do that, then there’s really no such thing as failure.
Just set it all free.
© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2017). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content
**Lyrics from “Set it all Free” written by Dave Richard Bassett • Copyright © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd