I know I promised you this post a week ago, but life, work and writing Christmas stories for my kids got in the way of blogging!
Here I am now though and I’m determined to share with you all, “something I prepared earlier.”
Something that’s always fun and interesting, even sometimes a little embarrassing and cringe-worthy is some of the items you come across when unpacking your house. The trip down memory lane is always full of mixed emotions and on this occasion I’ve come to this conclusion: I was an angry, moody a**hole adolescent.
I know what you’re thinking, we all go through the stage when we think are parents are jerks and can’t wait for the day when we’re old enough to do whatever we want. We envision adulthood as a time when we set our own bedtime, stay out as late as we want and eat whatever we want and if we don’t feel like cleaning our rooms, well we just bloody won’t!
You see, I found my old diary, you know the one where you write down all your angry and frustrated thoughts as a teenager every time you got pi$$ed off with your parents? Yea…. that one…
That particular diary made for a very interesting read, I must say! Every time I experienced some heightened emotion (anger, frustration, happiness, lust, confusion, uncertainty) I seemed to have written in my diary. Of course I’m not going to directly share anything from it, as I still consider them to be the private thoughts of my adolescent self, but besides looking back and thinking how much of a dingbat I was and how easy I had things back then, I also see how unsure and insecure I was.
I wanted to be treated as an adult and was frustrated if I wasn’t, but I was also unsure of myself and what I wanted. Even now, I often find myself feeling unsure of what my future holds and what direction I should take.
As a teenager our actions are influenced by and clouded with emotion, when we are adults we often attempt to influence our actions with logic and practicality. Neither of these on it’s own should be a basis for how we live our lives, however by blending emotion with logic we may very well stand a better chance of living a happy life.
So myself now as an adult, what is my direction?
My heart and emotion is telling me to write, to create, to explore but my practical and logical side is telling me that the bills aren’t going to stop piling up, just because I want to change my life direction. So, for now at least, I need to find a mixture of the two and I need to keep my day job and fit in writing whenever I can and keep on chasing the dream.
My days as an angry adolescent are not completely history, of course there are times when my emotions cloud my judgement and influence my actions, as they do with us all some times, but I’d like to think that with a bit of life experience behind me now, I am able to stand back and assess the situation better now, but I’m still trying to fine tune how to get the best of both worlds.
Here I am, the shadows of an angry adolescent breaking into the light of day occasionally, still trying to figure out which direction to go.
Wish me luck!
© Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within, (2013-2016). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovács and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.