It’s been another interesting week, one that I have filled with exploring (mostly Margaret Island or Margit Sziget in in Hungarian), researching and general ponderings. Oh and let’s not forget the last minute realisation that I forgot to post on the discussion boards of my online unit for uni and had to quickly make up some things to look like I have done all the course work.
One of the main things I’ve been thinking over is love. Not who I love, what I love or anything like that, but just love in general. This line of thought actually began before I left Sydney, when I caught a few snippets of the of the TV mini-series, “Peter Allen; Not the Boy Next Door.” The parts that I caught were showing how Peter met Liza Minnelli and the details of their relationship and marriage. As I sat and watched, I began to wonder if Peter ever loved Liza. From what has been shown in the media and in the musical “The Boy From Oz”, I had little doubt that Peter cared very much for Liza, perhaps he may have been attracted to her at some level (even though he was gay) and perhaps he even loved her, but the problem I think was that Peter was not “in love” with Liza.
You see, there are different types of love. You might love chocolate, your family and your dog but they are not all the same type of love. Love describes the strength of the positive emotion you feel for something or someone, but you do not love chocolate in the same way as you love your mum.
There is also a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Whilst Peter Allen probably loved Liza Minnelli and cared for her, he wasn’t in love with her.
Now I’m not about to give relationship advice. However, I am going to try and put into words what I think, feel and believe, based on my experience. I admit that my experience is not extensive, I’ve only ever had one romantic relationship, it wasn’t exactly a plan for it to be like that, it’s just how it worked out, but that’s all I need.
You may have had a relationship in the past that didn’t quite work out. You may have loved that person (or at least thought you did) but ask yourself, were you in love with them? Of course you love the person you choose to marry or spend your life with, but if you are not in love with them, then I don’t think the relationship can be sustained.
You may at this point be wondering exactly how you know whether you simply love someone or whether you are in love with them. How am I supposed to know? I’ve only had one relationship remember! I could tell you that you’ll “just know” or it’ll “just seem right” and sometimes that might be the case, but it’s not always going to help. I’m not going to describe being in love as fireworks or weak knees or some other swooning type of metaphor, because that’s not going to help either. I guess for me it was a little easier, in the beginning it did just “seem right” but I guess you could try looking at your life before that person, your life with them in the present and then try and imagine your future, first with and then without them. If you can’t imagine your future without them, then perhaps it is more than just love.
Being in love isn’t always easy, sometimes you have to fight for it. If you could imagine yourself not fighting and simply walking away, because that’s the easier and safer option, then perhaps you were not really in love with that person (only if the feelings are mutual though, otherwise that’s stalking and there are laws against that crazy-ass sh*!).
So as I go off to ponder the loves of József’s life and the one person he will ever been in love with, remember this:
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