I’ve been having some difficulty this week with writing, even though I have three current WIP, I am having trouble finding the words to continue the story of my characters. I keep swapping from one WIP to another and back again, I write a sentence or two, then hit the delete button. I don’t want to use the term “writer’s block”, because many writers say there’s no such thing, so instead I’m going to say that my characters have been a bit on the quiet side this week. I won’t give up however, I keep pushing on, I keep on writing in the hope that the words I put out there, will be the right ones.
As I traveled back and forth between my different characters, I began to feel a little like I had a split personality, that was constantly shifting. I’ve spoken about this in other posts, the connection between a writers and their character’s feelings, moods and emotions. As a writer explores their characters, the connection becomes stronger, you get to know how your character thinks and feels, their likes and dislikes, what makes them tick. So, when exploring different characters my feelings, thoughts and emotions change depending on which character I am focusing on at that moment, hence, the split personality feeling, although I am also a Gemini, if you follow that sort of thing.
After going back and forth with different characters this week I was able to explore one of my main characters a little more. If you remember a few weeks ago I started what I thought was a short story, with the main character being a woman who had lost her memory after a tragic accident. I was able to find out a little more about this character and the difficult childhood she had lived. I was able to write a little more of her story as I explored the darkness of her childhood and what led her to make the decisions that would change her life forever.
I began thinking, what have been the moments in our lives that we made decisions that would change our lives forever? Sometimes they are major choices, other times they may be small things that change the direction our lives are taking. In my own life there has been some very major decisions I have made that have completely changed the direction of my life. Now that I look back, I may have done things a little differently, knowing what I know now, but I do not regret any of the choices I have made in my life, those choices and decisions make me the person that I am.
Sometimes the decisions we make are to consciously change our lives, other times our choices change of lives in ways we were not expecting. In December last year, I made the conscious decision to do something about my writing, while I am still very early on in my journey to embrace the writer within and I am yet to experience any real “life-changing” effects of my decision, I am happy in the choice that I made.
Now my lovelies, have a think, what have been the decisions you have made that changed the direction your life was taking?
Here I have a an excerpt from my not so short story, where my female lead is exploring her past the the events that lead to her life-changing decisions. Again remember this work is raw and unedited, it is simply a snapshot of what I’ve been working on.
Photo from Flickr Creative Commons Copyright Wonderlane
When I was a kid, every time something changed, things got worse. It was someone leaving, a new home, a new family and none of them really cared for me, they just wanted the Centrelink money or worse. Some of them even pretended to love me, got me presents, spoiled me even said the words I wanted to hear from a mum or dad. When I was very young I thought it was how people showed they cared. It wasn’t, there was no emotion in what they did to me. They hurt me, left their scars on me. I realised it wasn’t the love of a parent, what they did. I have never experienced the real love from a parent, but I knew that it shouldn’t hurt, it shouldn’t make you feel dirty or ashamed and it shouldn’t be a secret. I hated them, I was happy when I was taken from them, even though I was in excruciating pain the night I was taken away, I was still happy. After that though, the darkness closed in around me, I didn’t want to be sent to another home, I didn’t want to feel the pain of being hurt by someone you loved, the way a child loves their parents, but they never really loved me in return.
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