Exploring the Darkness

Hello Lovelies,

Welcome to this week’s post.

Since my last post I have been exploring my main character and delving deeper into the darkness of his past. I’ve found the more I delve into his past and his feelings towards the death of his parents, the more I am understanding him and what drives him. I am understanding his attachment and overly protective tendencies towards Rosie but I am also now questioning some of my planned plot developments, I have a feeling that one of the major events in the story is going to change slightly as a result of my exploration into my main character.

I guess an occupational hazard of writing is when you delve so deeply into a character, the thoughts feelings and actions of your character influence your own mood. As I have been exploring the darkness of my character so intensely this week, I have subconsciously been withdrawn and detached slightly in my own life, it wasn’t until I sat down to write today that I realised that it was happening. I think because we ‘writer types’ become so invested in our main characters that they truly become a part of us, therefore it is only natural that they influence our lives in some way. As I wade through the murky waters that are my character’s past and allow for his thoughts and feelings to be expressed, I am beginning to see the light that is now in his life in the form of his beloved Rosie. People say that love conquers all and overcomes all obstacles, whilst this may not be true in every instance, it certainly does help and in Thomas’ case, love has shown him that there is still light in the world, love has drawn him out of the darkness.

Today I have an excerpt of Thomas’ journal for you, this excerpt shows that he is beginning to explore the darkness of his past, one very small step at a time, so he is able to heal old wounds (sometimes self-inflicted), physically and emotionally.

Again, remember this is just the first draft and very raw material.

Enjoy,

KK

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I’m not ready to write about the darkest parts of my past, Rosie knows most things but in bits and pieces that she has pieced together or small parts I have confided in her. I think though, I am ready to write about my parents and what my life was before the darkness closed in.

I did not have the typical childhood of a child brought up in the midst of high society. My parents were very hands on, I did not have a nanny or a governess, I was their only child and they doted on me at every chance they had. I wasn’t overly spoiled by any means, I had no idea how wealthy our family was (and is), but I was loved. I still remember the warmth and comfort of my mother’s embrace and the playfulness of my father as we played chasing games, when he caught me (and he always did) he would tickle me until my stomach ached. I knew that my parents loved me, they showed me though every embrace, every word, every kiss goodnight. My grandmother used to always complain that if someone were to see the way my parents were with me, they would think we were simple commoners; I didn’t know what that meant until I was much older. In a way, perhaps we were commoners, my parents enjoyed the simpler life and my mother was not from a wealthy family, something which I feel my grandmother always held against her. My parents loathed the times when the expectations of society would take them away and prevent them from spending time with me. I had the perfect childhood, until they became sick, it was then that the darkness began to creep in. I wasn’t even allowed to see them, I didn’t get to say goodbye, and I didn’t get to tell them how much I loved them. They now say it was an epidemic, Spanish Influenza infected so many people, mostly people who were from poorer families. My grandmother blames my mother’s family for the loss of her son and I think some in some way her animosity towards Rosie is drawn from her feelings towards my own mother and the loss of her son. After they died, I remember feeling angry and lost, all normal feelings for one who is grieving the loss of a loved one, feelings that would eventually subside, so I was told… but they didn’t. These feelings continued to grow until they all but consumed me. The darkness closed in and I thought I would never see light again, until one day… there she was… my light, my Rosie. 

© Katherine A. Kovacs and The Writer Within, (2013-2015). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katherine A. Kovacs and The Writer Within with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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